Ally’s Thoughts and Adventures

Today I was walking home from a friends house in the rain, the spring scent enveloping everything. The sense of desperation and sadness washing over me, imploring God, intervening for a friend. Why did things like this happen? God surely knows what he’s doing, and by His grace we can stand, trusting fully, wholly leaning on Him to care for those needs that we so desperately ask for, answering prayers in His own special way. Being able to just let Him take over is such a freeing feeling, totally release from cares. It is so sweet. Sweeter than I ever thought it could be. 

The sun began to peek through those clouds, it’s rays lighting up the drops of rain as they splattered to the pavement. It reminded me of the grace God sends on us… it refreshes our souls and cleans. It comforts, even, in it’s own unique way.. just like the rain. It’s amazing to see all of the metaphors and comparisons we can see in nature; the things God put there to help remind us of Him. It really does overwhelm me. 

This weekend, I decided that God was leading me to be baptized this coming Easter.. and I’m so glad that He helped confirm that in my heart. It’s like a whole new step, a new door opened, a greater outlook on my life and it’s purpose. I also heard an amazing testimony this week that really touched me, and it helped me to make that decision indirectly, and it encouraged me more than I initially thought. 

God has really challenged me this week, pointing out where I need to work on my priorities and improve relationships. I’m so grateful for the life He’s put me in, and I have a purpose to fulfill. I’m waiting in ernest to see where He leads. This week has been so awakening for me, and I really thank God SO much. He is absolutely amazing.

That’s it. My college experience is almost completely finished, done with, behind me. In one sense i’m thrilled that I got through my classes pretty well (especially Chemistry), but then again, I’m sad. I’ll probably never again see the friends I made there, and that’s just a little depressing. It’s not just that though. Going out to classes consistently through the weeks and months.. it became something I enjoyed, even if I was sleepy or kinda sick sometimes.. it was worth it and I praise God for helping me through it! *sigh* it’s just not going to be fun to get back into the “normal” routine that I really don’t like much at all anymore, especially after college. I never liked the normal routine, but it’s become more bland as I grow and want to move around some, you know? I usually find myself behind a computer screen or reading my books, studying. I want to do something else this semester, and I believe a job is what I need to do, but it’s the issue of going out and finding one. 

Going out and doing things makes you feel more independent, thats for sure, and it also forces you to be more responsible.. getting stuff done, getting to class on time… yeah. Through this experience I even learned to ENJOY riding the bus; that is something I never expected to happen, yet it did. 

Today I just feel myself swelling with how amazing God is, just want to burst out in song and sing my heart out, loving the day, even though it’s dreary.. today is just amazing, and I really look forward to having many more just like it. God has been sooo good to me, recently. 

Here’s a song that makes me even more amazed at the grace He’s given me throughout my life recently. It’s so true, and the message so clear:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfq4QYqvHYE

It has The Passion of the Christ scenes throughout it though, so if you’re easily quested.. don’t watch it x)

I haven’t written here for way too long >_< Things have kept me busy I guess.. or maybe I was just too lazy to write anything here. 

Sigh.. is it just me or do I tend to be judgmental towards others? Or am I just talking and not paying attention to what I say? I guess the advice “look before you jump” is sound, but why is it so hard to do that? Maybe I just give off the aurora that i’m judging, but really, i’m just speaking my mind. Can’t I do that without offending anyone? Is it POSSIBLE for anyone to do that? I seriously wonder. 

What can you do when you feel concern for a friend and they board you up inside this little box, where you can’t do anything but watch their lives through the cracks in the wood? It’s probably best to just leave them, let them learn, but do you know how HARD that is? Maybe it’s my personality.. but really honestly, it bugs me to just watch things go, let them fly and see them crash and burn or soar into the sky. 

Do I overestimate myself? Believing in things just to have them counteracted by people around me? Is it worth it to stand up to values and persevere? Is it worth it to believe what the Bible says about certain actions and lose friends? While I wish I could say both yes and no, there is only one answer. Each person has to make their own choice, I suppose. 

God’s been alot closer to me recently, and it’s such a comforting thought to know He’s there, even when things get hard and difficult. I thought that if I were to start failing a class, I’d be horrified and soo sad.. but it doesn’t happen. I’m like “yeah, it’s alright. I’ll just have to study harder and trust God”. I don’t feel ANY stress at all, even though I have a Chemistry final tomorrow, and a Spanish one on Monday. 

It’s not easy to make friends, only to lose them after a period of time because of no interaction and stuff. Making friends with people twice your age makes it harder to chill and hangout.. but, you know? I don’t care. They’re cool, nice people, thats what counts, right?

With Barack Hussein Obama defeating McCain in the presidential race this day, November 4th, 2008, God only knows where this country is headed… and I mean that in the most serious fashion.

We shall see if Obama keeps all those promises he made about lowering taxes and all that. We’ll see whether  a bigger crisis comes up, we’ll see if his policies work, and we’ll see if abortion helps a nation. 

Just for all you out there that hold faith in Christ and a hope for our nation: Pray. 

We will see if he ends up being a good president or not.

Sometimes I wonder why things happen the way they do. Why do we gets ideas, but end up hating them, regretting, wishing for things to be back to the way they were before? I hate arguments that aren’t won, unless they’re all in good fun, to exercise “debating” skills.

Everything has confused me so bad in the last week that I’m just “ARGGHH GO AWAY AND BE JOYFUL CHRISTMAS ALREADY!!”

Looks like things are gonna get started all over again, the floodgates opened and hearts poured out, probably exposing themselves to be broken. I hate going  through situations like this, but i guess to improve ones character, it’s vital. Sigh. If only life were easier.. but where would the joy be in conquering hardship? 

And so.. another week of  my 17-year-old life begins…

But now.. suddenly after being faced with all these trials and depressing times, the economic crisis and John McCain’s failure to act on principle and uphold the Republican party.. I feel this desperate emotion.. seeping through my soul.. It’s terrible and you jsut cry out, wanting a refuge, yearning to be safe. 

Then you can remember: Christ is that refuge, that “Ever-present help in times of trouble.”

So unbelievably comforting to know that, because He loves you despite all your flaws, He stands there.. waiting for this realization to come on you.. and you KNOW His presence, you can feel his arms wrapped around you in a love that surpasses all others. I rest, almost completely filled with Peace. One thing remains to be lifted, but tonight… He’ll be watching over me… He’ll be there to comfort me. Always.

So, tomorrow is the last full day that we’re gonna spend at my grandma’s house. It’s really kinda amazing, yet saddening, to see the two weeks pass soooo quickly. 

I guess it’s true that the older you get, the faster the days, weeks, months and years go by. It makes me wonder why that is. You’d think that things would grow slower, but it doesn’t.

But yeah, life has been pretty monotonous, relaxing really. Sleep on a nice, comfy, half-filled air mattress, eat a nice breakfast of waffles and enjoy a slow morning. No computer, TV. Left to artwork and card games that I immensely enjoy, we fill up our mornings, occasionally going shopping or taking excursions out into the morning.  

… and then we eat a great lunch of BREADMAKER bread, not the usual stuff made in the oven. It’s realllyyy good… except when it gets dry. But still. 

I actually don’t remember much of what I wrote in my last blog. 

Ohh yeah! I heard that Oasis had another movie day… when I WASN’T homee!! I’ve missed all but one movie day because of my vacations. It’s rather weird, actually, almost as if its planned, yet I know it isn’t. 

Actually, we went to Olive Garden couple days ago. It was pretty good, though the prices were up some from out our way. Mmmm breadsticks and salad!! I seriously could go there and just fill up on their breadsticks and salad!! Especially with that cheese they grind over it. Yum yum yum. 

Oh, and good news! I’ve got pictures ready to upload onto the blog! I haven’t forgotten the promise, though there’ll be only a few on here…the rest will be over on Facebook, duh. There’s only a few select people that don’t use Facebook, and there will SURELY be a time they join x)

All the boys (save Riley) went hiking the other day. Left on Sunday evening and came back Monday evening. They seemed to have a really good time, though I’m still REALLY glad that my dad didn’t make me go. 

Sure, the sights are amazing, but hiking nine miles is not something that I’m about to do when i;m this out of shape. No way, ho-sai!

So, yeah. I’m excited to be going home, but rather sad too. I really enjoy visiting my Grandma and everything that comes with it. Yupp. It really is a good thing to get away for a week or two every year or so… have a change in scenery. It helps you to appreciate the home thing alot more, for sure. I know it does for me!

So, Ataraxis. 

  ~Ally 

(Written yesterday, for yesterday. Posted today.)

What a day. 

I guess everyone knows by now that the whole clan is on vacation up in NH visiting grandma and a few old friends, other relatives. It’s been pretty great, the weather is BEAUTIFUL for swimming… terribly hot, though, but the INTERNET!! *cry* Such a deprivement, but I think it’s probably good for me, two weeks off and stuff. Good for the mind. 

God’s been really blessing my life recently, though. If anyone knows me very well, they’ll know that I’ve been complaining about having to find a new bathing suit, continually talking of how hard it is to find a decent swim suit these days, etc. 

Well, my Grandmother too me out to Kohl’s the day after we arrived to look for a swim suit at Kohl’s because it was 50% off on all swimwear. We started looking through everything, and there wasn’t really anything. I prayed and I was like “Alright, God, I really need a new bathing suit, so help me find something here, if you want.”

And lo and behold, my mom finds a black boyshort bottoms! There’s this anchor design thingy on one side, but that’ll wear off in time, I think. 

Then both my mom and grandma pull out this long, striped tankini top. It was pretty cute, so I tried it on, and it was kinda tight, showed major things people don’t wanna see, etc. (this was a size small, remember.)  I was kinda sad, but I was like… “Ah well…”

My mom headed off to the boys section to find swimtrunks for Daniel, and my grandma pulls out a green striped tankini top, just like the one I had tried on just minutes before. This was a Medium. I was like… “uh.. Okay… I’ll try it, but I’m sure it won’t fit.”

It did. I was so excited. This was also really dippy in the front, so I was unsure, yet good ‘ol mum figured that adding a piece of cloth in front would fix it up, and sure enough.. It DID! Hehe… I think it works out really well. I doubt a picture will be put up on here, but we shall see

So, yeah. That was definitely a God-send. You guys might not understand it, but hah. Oh well. 

Now.. What else has happened on this rather uneventful trip to the little state of New Hampshire?

Oh yes. Can’t forget this really rather frightening yet providential heck of a day. Man. Let me begin! 

So, they whole fam. went to Austin Square (mom and dads old church from wayyy back) today in the morning. I fell asleep in the van on the way there (about a 45 minute drive) so I was realllyy sleepy the whole service. I HATE almost nodding off in the middle of the sermon.. It’s really rather embarrassing. I can remember silently giggling at others that did it. Hah. Right back at me. =P

Anyways, after the service, we were greeted by the many old friends and people that are so very warm and friendly. It is rather enjoyable, I must say, though towering over everybody every year isn’t all that pleasant. Lol.. But it’s still enjoyable nonetheless. 

ANYWAYS. After the greetings, we rode off to visit Kelly’s (ohhh soo goooddd!! <33).

Kelly’s is a famous New England Roast Beef place. They don’t have JUST roast beef, but they have other great stuff that I like. Yum. 

We were about to take the turn onto a really busy beach road when the brakes suddenly… stopped working. Like, they literally died right then and there. It was kinda freaky, not having breaks, but we managed to turn into a tow away zone on a slight upgrade. Thank God. 

Well, we were all rather shocked (as can be expected), and we prayed, knowing God had a special plan for everything, whatever that might be. 

Well, my dad called my Auntie Anne, who lived about 20-30 minutes away. She picked the phone up, which my dad says is a miracle in itself. She and her daughter, Kayla, and Kayla’s boyfriend, Matt, came and picked us up in the two cars that they had. Again, providence. They had JUST had a big cookout the day before, so there was a lot of leftovers for us to help eat up. We hung around for a bit, and Auntie Anne lent us her nice SUV Blazer car thing. 

So, the van is in a shop up in Mass., and we’re all here in N.H., chilling at Grammies’.

But, yeah. I’m grateful for the internet access that Auntie Nancy and the household provides, the pool that they also let us use, the Cable T.V., family and everything. Even Auntie Ruth came up for a visit for a few days! That was a surprise. 

I do miss everyone, and those evening walks and stuff… all the hangouts. Oh yeah. 

Peace, ya’ll. Ataraxis.  (< That’s a cooler way of saying peace, btw) 

Tonight is my last night at home for two weeks – if all goes well, that is. 

Early, early tomorrow (like… around three or four in the morning) we are going to begin the annual summer vacation to my grandmother’s in New Hampshire. The whole trip usually takes about 12 hours, give or take some, often laced with the stench of sweaty armpits (NOT mine) or exhausty trucks. Yuck. Hopefully the AC will work better this year, keep us cooler. 

Strangely, my dad constantly switches the fans off and on, creating small groans of misery during the “off” times. He doesn’t seem to think that we like to have nice cool air blowing around us, while we are snuggled down into soft, warm blankets. It’s great! 

My goal during the night before we leave is to get absolutely no sleep, making myself as tired as possible for the trip. I guess there are some pros and cons for it. Pros: Lotsa sleep, faster time passing. Cons: Usually a bit more grumpy and impatient than usual. It really isn’t nice to wake up and hear “CAN I HAVE A GRANOLA BAR PLEASE, MOMMY?!” being shouted over you, during the duration of sleep. It happens every trip. But all the more tests to become patient, right? It’s hard, I shall admit it, and usually I fail. I will try harder to be more forgiving to the rambunctiousness of my siblings. Too bad there isn’t a disease that knocks a person into a calm sleep for about.. 10 hours? Yah.. that’d be amazing. 

So, yeah. A general description of what goes on in the car and what I think of it. Not even coming close to being complete, though maybe ya’ll get the idea. 

I am excited to go, though! There’s just a few things I’m not looking forward to. When we come back there will be only about… 2 weeks left of summer.. and that REALLY saddens me, because we’ve barely been able to do anything this summer! It’s really.. horrific. Honestly. *shivers at thoughts of school* 

Two more years… 

But, yeah. I’m planning on keeping you guys updated about what goes on up there in the state thats got a city named after a grape type. Hah. Pictures too! … Though how often I’ll post I dunno. It doesn’t help that my grandma has limited internet access >_< That’s another thing to add to the list. Sigh. 

I WILL have a good time though, and I’ll think about and miss you! 

~ Ally

Ataraxis.

Wow. Today brought quite a large shock to me, something completely unexpected and saddening, though perhaps it has a lesson or something in it? Who knows but God?

So, today I was talking with a relatively new friend in youth group, asking her if she and her brother were coming to the Youth Retreat thats been eagerly anticipated since the end of the one last year, cuz it’d be amazzing if they could come! Anyways, i was asking, and she was saying how she probably couldn’t because her dad (who lives in my city) is moving to New Mexico! Therefore, after these next three weeks are probably the last time both will visit…. ever. 

Her saying that really shocked me. Like, I am just getting to know her, and sorta talking with her brother. They’re pretty awesome from what I can tell, and I can’t believe that they’ll be GONE. Makes me mega sad. Seriously.

On a happier note, however, Power Lab VBS ‘08 is ALL OVER this year. Done. Complete. Finished. YAYYY!!

It was really tiring… getting up early each morning, chasing and instructing kids around for 3 hours straight. It was fun, though, and I have to admit; those songs are ADDICTING. They’ve been stuck in my head all week, and to make it worse, they have great handmotions for it XD 

God did teach me stuff through it though. In the beginning, before VBS started, I REALLY didn’t want to be a crew leader, yet I got stuck doing it. Sheesh. I was tempted to like, refuse the position, but you know.. procrastination helped in that aspect. But, i’m sure I mentioned it before, but I got kinda sick two days before VBS, but was technically completely better the day before, and you know how colds are. They just persist half the time. I think God was trying to tell me that he wanted me to do this. 

Which actually reminds me… last night we had our second “Teen BIble Study” at Charlotte’s house! Matthew came, I was happy! 

But we were talking about how often we find ourselves sending all these requests and petitions to him, asking so much of him, but never letting him speak to us, show us what He wants us to do, not waiting for his guidance in an issue, and always trying to push what we want. We reviewed just HOW important it is for us to seek his will, to give Him our life ENTIRELY, every aspect of it, for Him to reveal his will. It’s just so unimaginably hard to give EVERYTHING up. I know I struggle largely with that portion of my relationship with Him. 

Aoohh!! Another amazingly awesome thing! 

I dunno if I said anything about it (probably not), but my computer like… died a couple weeks ago or so. How? Well, my hard drive was literally dying, so Daniel went ahead and tried changing the drive to a larger one. In the process, I think he jiggled something that should not have been touched, and the computer got screwed up. So much that nobody could do anything on it. 

So, my dad didn’t really know what to do with it, but finally decided to bring it to the Mac store after dropping us off at VBS. On the way there,  my dad took a huge sharp curve, and the shiny Powermac G4 went tumbling across the van floor. HUGE crash.. I had dozed off and was sure my dad had just winged the front end of the van. Looking over the seat, I see the computer laying in a completely different place and think “Oohhh great.. now it’s completely dead, never to me revived again! There goes my savings account…”

After VBS, my dad tells us that when he brought the computer in and got it hooked up to a monitor there at the Mac store, it worked PERFECTLY fine. My jaw dropped. So it WAS the monitor all along! We got home and tried it with the monitor we have here and it worked just like normal! I was really shocked and ecstatic!! Before, the monitor wouldn’t even show on the screen.. but now it worked JUST like it had before it was messed up! Man.. talk about amazing grace!! *sings VBS version* 

Heheh.. it’s great  

God keeps showing me different things in different ways. It just shows how much variety God places in each of our lives. 

Ataraxis!! <3

You know… there’s always a first time for everything. It’s quite the popular phrase, too. I’ve heard it quite a bit, and actually used it to sorta support or encourage something. Hmmmm.

Well, speaking of first times, today was the beginning of our church’s VBS, Power Lab. I was assigned to be a crew leader, and that was “rubbing my fur” the wrong direction. I reallllyyy didn’t want to do it, and I was willing to have the days drag by as long as possible in order to avoid it. But you know how it is. The days sped themselves up inconspicuously and presented me with the day I was NOT looking forward to. 

But I have to say, I enjoyed it. The songs are really fun to do, I mean.. it’s not just the hand motions, but its all the kids and the other adults having a grand time as well. Atleast.. most of them. I think I might have seen a few that didn’t appreciate it

Everything was smooth, most people showed up, plus a few extras! It’s a sign of God’s grace, allowing our church to be able to hold this week-long event, but also giving us (older people) a chance to get to know the kids better, and to minister to them. Definitely keep this whole process in prayer. 

I wished I had brought another shirt to the thing today too. Why? Well, basically, this year we (the VBS helpers) all got distinctive T-Shirts to wear everyday this week (bleh, right? I guess thats what washers are for, huh?). Well, some of my friends all wanted to go hang about the area for awhile in the afternoon, and it was a nice day for it, albeit a little hot. So, I wanted to come along… but wearing that shirt all about campus being all sweaty? Yech. But I managed, and I’m so glad I went.. it was quite a bit of fun.

Hah. I even attempted to play a little Basketball.. but I fail, but that’s okay, because it’s fun anyways Oh yeah… and Simon STILL can’t beat me with the foosball. Those campus foosball tables are TERRIBLE. Ask anyone that came. Actually, about the shirts, I wasn’t the only one having to wear it. Thankfully Simon had his on as well. It was pretty cool. 

Something amazing about this whole CMU thing, though, was the fact that, in order to get into the basketball things or anywhere else, really, if that you needed a guest pass, acquired only by someone who attends the college. Well, apparently Simon forgot about that… or something. So we were all prepared (well, sorta) to play basketball or whatever, and it turns out we need passes. Oh joy. As we were coming in through the halls and stuff, Veronica saw some lady from our church. Apparently she attends the college. So what do you know? She gets us six guest passes so that we can explore and play sports unhindered. Sooo blessed!!

Oh yeah, one other reason why I was slightly hesitant to hang out with everyone was the fact that i’d need to ride a bus home. Oohh what a bad (but good) waste of $2! Anyways, Jack and Jessica went for the other bus to bring them home, and another bus would take Daniel and I home. Veronica got a ride from her dad. 

Well, as Daniel and I waited on the corner for the bus, Veronica and her dad come ’round the corner and pick us up! Is this a blessed day or not?! Man… and another thing to be thankful for is my health. 

Basically, I started getting sick this past friday with a cold (yes, the 4th, how horrible!). Saturday I woke up with a pretty stuffed head and running nose, aching and stuff, miserable as to how I would get to church the next day. Well, the amazing thing is, we can pray, and when one prays and it’s in God’s will, awesome things can happen pretty fast. My condition, for example, went from pretty bad (on Saturday) to technically 100% better on Sunday! Isn’t God great?!

Kinda ironic that the main Bible point today at VBS was “Jesus gives us the Power to be THANKFUL!” (Aha! *points to sky* )

But, yes… really long blog *glances to the word count* I didn’t realize I had so much muse! Too bad I can’t stay up later to reply to some RP threads… Lol.. I’m thankful for a bed though! And pillow, and comfy Pjs, and *goes down list*