Yep… and a happy new year to you too.
Is it just me or do New Year celebrations mean less and less as time goes on? I just read my “new years” blog post from 2011 and boy… just reading it, the tone I wrote in… it’s so different. It’s hard to really put a finger on, but my life almost exactly a year ago, who I was then and where I expected to be at the beginning of 2012 has turned out to be completely different than expected. At the end of 2010, I had broken off a relationship which wasn’t settled in my heart.. I couldn’t keep going on with it because I knew it wasn’t right. I know now that the progress of said relationship was the event which kickstarted this pattern that i’ve realized in myself (which has since caused me more trouble than I really care to detail): if something is bothering me, be it in the sense of the heart or the mind, I won’t rest until I do what I need to do, and I won’t find any measure of peace until there’s some level of resolution. It’s both a strength and a weakness, I fear, but i’ll take it and work through dealing with the negatives better as time goes on, by the grace of God. Anyways, that particular discovery held quite a bit of gravity during the course of the rest of the year of 2011; it caused a couple mountainous issues, which thankfully in the end were resolved, though not without some hurt and other debris along the way. All for good reason, though, I believe.
I truly have learned so much this past year; I can’t readily recall all of it because my timelines have shifted into semesters rather than years, so it’s a little weird trying to think back and realize “oh yeah… Spring semester 2010 was last year..”
Gosh… thinking just about that couple-month-long period of time and how it changed my life. The people I got to know, what I got to experience, the things I learned in classes and just through life in general. I’m chilling here on my bed at 1:35 in the morning, and I’m remembering conversations that I had with certain people, and I remember questions that I wish I had asked… that I still wish I had asked, I can remember ventures up onto the PAC roof and things that happened there, things that were said and reactions that happened. The housing situations and how that shaped the relationships which were cultivated in a February to May time span. It was so wonderful, yet…. I look back now and I can pick out the bad decisions I’d made, the good decisions, the path-changing decisions. I flash back to now and I compare how my life has changed, and wow… let me tell you, it certainly has changed. The fall semester of 2011 brought so much change that I truly hadn’t expected, change which I don’t think I was ready for. It came though, whether I wanted it or not, and as with all the bouts of change that happen in life, it carried me with it, dousing me with trial and lifting me up in joy, much like a river throws about some driftwood. Even with the dawning of this new year, I’m still not done changing, and I can bet you my bottom dollar that in a years time I’ll be reading back on this post and wondering at myself. Wondering at the feebleness of some of the things I experienced. Truly, that thought alone makes me a little apprehensive about what this new year will bring, but looking at it again, everything that I went through and made others go through this past year I believe all worked out in the end… I know that I certainly learned something from my life in 2011.
As I write, more and more memories begin to flood back to my mind, and I realize more profoundly how full this year really was. So much happened, but so easily, I let it go.. kind of forgot about it. My trip to Memphis, my summer job at the cafe (not just a summer job now 
), the ways I got to see God provide and answer prayer, fully realizing God’s power especially in the face of a broken heart, re-discovering myself and who I am in the image of God, refocusing on growing in the goal to be a Proverbs 31 woman (that’ll actually eventually have it’s own blog post it was so impactful). It’s a lot, and I know that I’ve missed things.. and some I’ve written between the lines. It was truly a full year, and an incredible year. I have little regret; only that I didn’t spend the time I needed to discovering the wonderful depths of my Saviour and how that applies to my life, how that CHANGES me, from the inside out, and how it affects the people I’m around, how it affects how I work and where my priorities are. That is what I regret. But hey… it’s a new year, and here I am, writing a reflection blog post much, much different from my last new years post. A new year means a new beginning, and as cliche as that sounds, whatever. It’s true. Sometimes cliches can be used with good measure.
So, I will write down my remembered resolutions right here. Yeah… I’ll probably give up eventually, but honestly, it’s my intention to undergo a heart-change that only God can perform, and with that heart change, I hope to see my priorities line up where they should be lined up. I feel that in pursuing the heart of God and seeking the change in heart that will cause me to love the people around me as He loves me, these goals are attainable, and some even will help along my pursuit of God, my discovery of who He is.
So, without further ado:
1. Read at least the whole New Testament, and glean everything that I can from it.
2. Run at least two/three times a week.
3. Make studying more of a priority (going for all A’s this semester)
4. Plug into my church and get involved somewhere, somehow, someway.
5. Reflect in peace/silence often; search my own heart, and live consciously of my decisions.
6. Become an intentional worshipper with the way I live and what I do.
7. Get something published, somewhere; do something with my writing. Finish a story idea for once.
8. And, on a lighter note, really get crackin’ on piano-ing!
So yes, here are my goals for this year. There are more, but these are those which stand out the most to me. And, if anyone actually reads this, then keep me accountable. Ask me how such and such an endeavour is going, and if it isn’t… challenge me. I like challenges. A lot. That’s another thing I more clearly uncovered about myself this year… I rarely will back down from a challenge. There are probably some psychoanalytical things that could be said about that, but truly, part of it is because I’m motivated by challenge. I’m motivated by taking something someone doesn’t think I can do…. and do it. Of course, the negative side to that is that sometimes I get carried away with challenges that I don’t stop to consider the outside elements of that challenge. And maybe.. that doesn’t make sense to you, but right now, that’s okay. If you know what I mean, then good.
But yes. That is all that I have to say about that. There’s still a lot going on in my head, and I feel as though some personal blogging will relieve some of that… though part of me is thinking that I’m starting to miss the people back at Union, and that I need some talkage time with them. Well… another month to go and I’ll be off, Lord willing.
For now.
Prov. 31
